Mutant Histeria
by ColdFusion180
Summary: An accident during a recruiting mission sends the Acolytes on a madness-packed journey none of them expect.
1. Acolytes Will Happen

**Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution**

* * *

**Mutant Histeria**

**Chapter One: Acolytes Will Happen**

"Are you sure this is the right place?" Remy asked.

"Of course," Magneto said levitating next to him. The Acolytes were hiding in the backyard of a nice suburban house. "Mastermind used MADNESS three times to confirm that a mutant signature was coming from this location."

"If you say so," Remy shrugged peering through a small set of binoculars. "I still don't see anyone."

"Maybe the mutant left in the car that pulled out when we got here," Pyro suggested.

"Perhaps, but I doubt it was one of that elderly couple," Magneto considered the possibility. "Mastermind?"

"I am still detecting one person left in the house," Mastermind focused his powers. "Though I am unable to determine if the individual present is a mutant."

"Very well," Magneto decided. "We will enter the house presuming the remaining person is the mutant. If not we will neutralize the person and wait for the mutant to come back."

"Great," Sabertooth growled.

"Gambit, disable any security systems you can find," Magneto ordered. "Sabertooth, Mastermind, locate the individual. Colossus, you keep an eye on Pyro and make sure he doesn't do anything foolish."

"Like what?" Piotr asked.

"Like set the place on fire and burn us all to a crisp!" Magneto snapped.

"Great, I always get the hard job," Piotr sighed armoring up.

The Acolytes quickly snuck across the backyard and carefully approached the back door. Remy easily picked the locks and bypassed the burglar alarm. "All done." He silently opened the door. "Come on in."

"Huh, kind of a funny place," Pyro glanced at the contrast of antique and high tech items decorating the house. "Ooo, candles!"

"Do not even think about it," Piotr quickly moved to block Pyro's access to them.

"Nobody up here," Sabertooth growled panning his head from side to side. "Sounds like the target is mucking around in the basement."

CRACK!

WHIRRR!

FIZZZ! FIZZZ! FIZZZ!

"No, you think?" Mastermind gave him a look as a gaggle of loud noises echoed up from a stairway.

Sabertooth glared at Mastermind as the Acolytes made their way down into a large, brightly lit basement. Rows of electronic equipment lined the walls along with shelves full of strange devices and spare parts. A figure hunched over one of several lab tables while working, completely oblivious to the silent presence of the six mutants.

Magneto motioned the Acolytes to slightly fan out and surround the figure before announcing himself. "Greetings."

The figure was too engrossed in work to acknowledge him. Magneto frowned and tried again. "Greetings!" The figure continued to ignore him.

"HEY YOU! LISTEN UP!" Sabertooth roared.

"Whoa, what?" The figure spun around to reveal a young, dark haired man with tan skin. "Hey, who are you? How did you get in here?"

"Way to be subtle, Victor," Magneto muttered before addressing the figure. "Greetings. I am Magneto. And I am like you. Someone born with special gifts. A mutant."

"You're a mutant too?" The figure blinked at him. "Hey, I think I've seen you before. Didn't a giant, flaming robot fall on you or something?"

"Or something, yes," Magneto hissed in annoyance.

"Face it Mags, you're never gonna be able to disassociate yourself from that," Remy chuckled.

"Silence Gambit!" Magneto snapped.

"Whoa!" The figure gasped noticing the other Acolytes. "Who are you guys?"

"Mutants," Sabertooth growled intimidating. "Who are you?"

"Uh, the name's Forge," The figure studied the Acolytes for a moment. "So you're all mutants? Trippy!"

"Trippy?" Piotr repeated.

"Yeah," Forge nodded. "You know, like far out. Hip. Groovy."

"Uh," Piotr looked very confused.

"Never mind," Forge waved. "So, are you guys with Xavier?"

"Not quite," Magneto stated. "Xavier is a dreamer and idealist when it comes to mutants. I am a realist and take a more...pragmatic approach."

"Okay," Forge shrugged. "So, what. Is this like some kind of recruiting gig?"

"Exactly," Magneto spread his hands wide. "I offer you the chance to join us and work toward building the future to help achieve mutant kind's destiny!"

"Mmmm, no thanks," Forge declined. "I'm not really much of a joiner. Besides, I'm already working on a ton of projects that will help build the future right here!"

"And what a valuable collection of projects they are too," Remy ran his hands over an impressive array of small tools and gizmos. "Say, are these **real** diamonds?"

"Yep," Forge confirmed. "I cut them myself and use 'em for grinding, customized semiconductors and drill bits."

"You don't say," Remy grinned. "Sweet!"

"Ooo, what's this thingy do?" Pyro picked a sleek backpack-like device off a shelf. It had a slightly bluish tint along with a chest-mounted control panel with several buttons and screens built flush to its surface.

"Hey, be careful with that!" Forge warned. "That's my time machine!"

"A time machine?" Piotr repeated studying the device. "Interesting. So what time is it?"

"No, not that kind of time machine," Forge corrected. "I mean a real time machine. You know, like H.G. Wells and all that jazz?"

"What?" Remy blinked at him. "You mean that is a real, working time machine?"

"Well technically," Forge shrugged. "It's kinda glitchy and I'm still working on getting a lot of the bugs out of it."

"Impossible," Magneto declared. "Time travel is a myth. It would require a near infinite amount of energy to even begin to create a hole in four-dimensional space-time, much less send somebody through it. No power source on Earth creates enough energy for that!"

"Until now," Forge boasted proudly and indicated the device. "This baby runs on a nuclear fusion/zero point energy hybrid utilizing a cheap and plentiful fatty-alkali compound for fuel." He grabbed a small carton off a nearby workbench and opened it.

"Soap?" Remy blinked at the contents. "You're telling us that thing runs on **soap**?"

"Yep," Forge grinned.

"Oh come on!" Sabertooth scoffed. "How could a skinny runt like you manage to create a soap-powered time machine?"

"That's my power," Forge told them. "I can create and invent any kind of machine I can imagine. I have a natural affinity for determining how mechanical devices work. Plus I am a bit of a super-genius."

"Not to mention modest," Remy quipped.

"Wait a second," Pyro nearly dropped the device and studied Forge for a minute. "Dark hair...tan skin...ability to invent things...HOOLY DOOLEY IT'S HIM!" He pointed to Remy in triumph. "See! I told you we'd end up meeting him someday!"

"Huh?" Remy blinked. "What the heck are you talking about?"

"Yay! I always knew it would happen!" Pyro handed the device off to Piotr and eagerly ran up to Forge. "Tell us, is your name Tao?"

"Uh...excuse me?" Forge blinked in confusion.

"Your name! Your non-mutant name!" Pyro was practically bouncing up and down. "Is it Tao? Is your non-mutant name Tao? Huh? Is it? Is it? Is it?"

"Well actually, my real name is..." Forge began.

"Enough!" Magneto shouted cutting him off. "Pyro, cease you idiotic babbling at once! And you!" He loomed over Forge menacingly. "I have offered you the chance to join the fight for mutant superiority. Refusing my offer would be** very **unfortunate!"

"I'd listen to him if I were you," Sabertooth growled showing his claws. "Just saying."

"Oh yeah? Well here's a saying for you. Never mess with an inventor!" Forge formed his arm into a large hand cannon and pointed it straight at Magneto. Magneto casually used his powers to redirect the cannon to point directly at Forge's head. "Um, on second thought..."

"Now," Magneto watched Forge revert the cannon back to his arm and released his hold on it. "You will come with us and work as I direct you, or the elderly couple that left here earlier will become the **permanently** departed. Understood?"

"Uh," Forge gulped. "Well, when you put it like that..."

"Will you please stop poking at that thing?" Piotr looked nervously at Pyro who had managed to take back the backpack-like device.

"But I wanna push the buttons," Pyro whined as he fiddled with the machine. "They're so nice and buttony."

"Give me that!" Remy walked over and moved to take the device away.

"But I haven't finished pushing all the buttons yet!" Pyro protested and tried to keep it out of reach.

"Well you've succeeded in pushing mine!" Remy snapped. "Now put it down!"

"No!" Pyro yelped.

"Please! Stop this!" Piotr attempted to break them up.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Sabertooth growled and angrily joined the struggle. "You idiots knock it off or I'll knock off your..."

THA-WHUMMM!

"Um, what was that?" Pyro blinked as the four mutants paused from fighting.

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped as the device began to hum ominously. "This does not sound good."

"Quick, get rid of it...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Remy yelped as all the Acolytes except for Magneto suddenly seemed to glow before vanishing with a loud pop.

"Okay," Magneto blinked for a moment. "What just happened to my subordinates?"

"Well, they obviously managed to activate my time machine and have traveled through time," Forge picked himself up having taken cover behind a far lab table.

"What?" Magneto gasped in shock. "You mean that thing was **real**?"

"Well yeah," Forge nodded. "I said it was, didn't I?"

"O-kay," Magneto struggled to accept the situation. "So how do you bring them back?"

"Uh, about that," Forge laughed nervously. "I can't."

"WHAT?!" Magneto shouted.

"You see the only way for them to return is to use the machine," Forge explained quickly. "And the system used to set the destination time and coordinates is one of the bugs that I haven't quite managed to fix yet."

"I see," Magneto turned to stare at him.

"Look, I'm really sorry about them getting lost and all," Forge gulped and shank from Magneto's gaze. "You're going to kill me for inventing that time machine, aren't you?"

"I might," Magneto tilted his head in thought. "Right after I decide whether or not you have managed to do me a favor."


	2. City Alight

**City Alight**

"Ahhh!" Pyro gasped as the Acolytes collapsed in a heap. "Ooo, that tickled! I feel tingley all over! Except for this weird bumpy thing sticking me in the bum."

"That's my spine you idiot!" Remy snapped shoving Pyro off him. He angrily got to his feet. "Why do you always have to end up falling on **me**?!"

"Cause I'm cute?" Pyro ventured innocently.

"Grrr," Remy growled in annoyance.

"What happened?" Piotr asked while attempting to look around. "I can not see very well. It is too dark."

"And cold," Mastermind shivered huddling in his coat. "It wasn't like this a minute ago."

"We're in the middle of a dirt street," Sabertooth grunted, his eyes easily adjusting to the darkness. "Deserted by the looks of it. Surrounded by wooden buildings. As for what happened, it's obvious one of you stupid lunkheads sent off the machine!"

"Who are you calling a lunkhead, Furball?" Remy snapped.

"Yeah!" Pyro added. "You were trying to grab the thingy too!"

"Are you saying it was **my** fault?" Sabertooth growled dangerously.

"Don't have to! You just did!" Pyro snapped.

"Stop! Please! This is no time to fight," Piotr tried to break them up.

"Piotr's right," Remy said backing down. "We need to find out where we are. Anybody see Magneto?"

"No, but I see a lot of weird buildings," Sabertooth noticed several domes piercing the skyline. "And everything smells like horses."

"There are no lights in any of the buildings and none of the streetlights are on," Mastermind said glancing around. "And I don't see the house we were just in either."

"The machine must have teleported us to another part of city or something," Remy turned to Piotr. "Where does it say we are?"

"Uh, I am not sure," Piotr stared at one of the screens in confusion. A random series of numbers and symbols appeared on it.

"Oh no," Remy groaned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Piotr told him. "I did nothing!"

"Great," Sabertooth snorted. "The Russian broke the machine!"

"I did not!" Piotr protested.

"Quiet!" Mastermind hissed focusing on his powers. "I sense someone coming!"

"Me too," Sabertooth tilted his head. "Take cover!"

The Acolytes quickly blended into the darkness as a group of four people appeared around a corner. Two of them carried burning torches.

"Psst." Remy nudged Sabertooth and made a hand motion. Sabertooth nodded as he and Remy easily slipped behind the group and rendered them all unconscious.

"Why did you do that?" Piotr hissed as Sabertooth dragged the figures into an alley.

"So we can question them and figure out where the heck we are," Remy said.

"And shake 'em down to see if they have anything of value," Pyro chirped.

"That too," Remy smirked.

"Oh dear," Piotr groaned strapping on the machine. "It is kind of hard to question them when they are knocked out."

"So we wait a few minutes for them to wake up," Sabertooth dumped the figures in a line and stripped them of their possessions. "We must have ended up on some old military base or something. They're all carrying guns."

"Wait a second," Mastermind had retrieved one of the torches and shined it on the weapons. "Those are muskets! Flintlocks!"

"Flintlocks?" Remy repeated. "You mean those old things that use gunpowder?"

"Yes. And look at this," Mastermind shone the light on the figures. "See their uniforms? They're dressed like soldiers right out of the early nineteenth century!"

"Are you sure?" Remy asked.

"Of course I'm sure!" Mastermind snapped. "Just look at them!"

"So what? They must be part of a re-enactment group or something," Sabertooth snorted. "Or some really obssesed history buffs."

"Uh, I do not think so," Piotr gulped looking down at the machine's chest-mounted control panel. The Acolytes stared at the screen which had been covered with numbers and symbols. It now clearly displayed:

**September 14, 1812 A.D.  
Moscow, Russia**

"Oh no," Mastermind gulped as the realization finally began to sink in. "That mutant inventor was right. It really **is** a time machine!"

"But that's impossible!" Sabertooth was stunned. "Magneto said that time travel is a myth!"

"Well it looks like Mags was wrong!" Remy snapped. "You can rub that in his face the next time we see him! **If** we manage to see him!"

"Quick! Set that thing back for our own time and let's get outta here!" Mastermind yelped.

"How?" Piotr poked at the buttons in frustration. "I do not know how to work this thing."

"Great! We're doomed! Doomed!" Mastermind threw up his hands. "Stuck in the past over a hundred years before any of us are ever born!"

"Most of us anyway," Piotr glanced at Sabertooth. "Have **you** been born yet?"

"None of your business!" Sabertooth snarled at him.

"Just asking," Piotr gulped.

"Uhhh..." One of the soldiers moaned and began to stir.

"Hey, this one's waking up," Remy noticed. "Might as well question him to see if we are where the machine says we are."

"Yeah. For all we know the device could be broken and showing us the wrong information," Mastermind groaned. "The inventor did say it was glitchy and full of bugs."

"At least this guy won't be afraid of mutants," Remy crouched down next to the soldier. "He's never heard of one. Piotr, can you come over here to question him?"

"Okay," Piotr stopped poking at the machine and did so.

"Oooh," The soldier slowly opened his eyes. He blinked at the Acolytes for a moment. "AAAHHHHHH!"

"So much for not being afraid of mutants," Sabertooth snorted.

"I think waking up and seeing a guy with red-on-black eyes, an overgrown alley cat and a man made out of metal would be just a **little** shocking," Mastermind gave him a look.

"You forgot the talking monkey," Sabertooth growled dangerously. "Who will end up being a **dead** monkey if he doesn't watch what he says!"

"Will you shut up!" Remy snapped at his teammates. The solider stopped screaming too. "That's better. Piotr, ask him where we are."

"And what the date is," Mastermind added.

"Okay," Piotr did so in Russian.

"_Ahhh! Miséricorde! S'il vous plaît, miséricorde!_" The soldier yelped.

"Wait a second," Remy blinked. "That's not Russian. That's French!"

"French?" Sabertooth frowned. "What's a French soldier doing in Moscow? If we're even in Moscow."

"Oh no," Piotr and Mastermind gasped in realization. They stared at each other in horror.

"Well, at least we know the location-displaying part of the machine is working," Remy said after managing to question the soldier in French. "His answers match with where and when the machine says we are." He noticed Piotr and Mastermind's expressions. "Uh, are two okay?"

"No," Piotr gulped nervously. "If French soliders are in Moscow, than that means..."

"Uh, where's Pyro?" Mastermind looked around frantically.

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

KA-BOOOOOOM!

"YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh no," Piotr gulped and ran out of the alley.

"That nut! He didn't!" Mastermind quickly followed him.

"Hey, what's going on?" Remy and Sabertooth chased after their teammates. "What did that flame-brained lunatic do now?"

"Uh," The soldier blinked at their abrupt exit. "_Pardon?_"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Pyro cackled insanely as he stood at the far end of the street surrounded by burning buildings. He gleefully shot flames in all directions. "YEAH! YEAH!"

"PYRO YOU MANIAC!" Piotr yelled incredulously. "YOU BURNED MOSCOW!"

"Parts of it anyway," Sabertooth grunted.

"Oh man!" Remy slapped his forehead. "We should have **known** this would happen!"

"Looking back it is rather obvious," Mastermind groaned.

"_Arrêt_!" A squad of soldiers burst onto the scene. "_Vive l'Empereur!_"

"Here ya go mates!" Pyro directed the flames using his powers. "Have some light and warm up!"

"AAAGGGHHHHHHHHH!" The French soldiers fled in terror.

"Talk about a warm welcome," Remy sighed.

"You have no idea," Mastermind groaned.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Pyro spread more fires as he happily skipped away.

"COME BACK HERE!" Piotr screamed chasing after him.

"Hey, wait for us!" Remy yelled as the rest of the Acolytes ran off just as more soldiers appeared to investigate the fires. "We gotta figure out how to use the machine!"

"Hopefully before too many **other** historical sites are destroyed," Mastermind moaned as buildings burned on either side of them. "Though considering our track record I wouldn't count on it!"

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**Note: No offense or disrespect is intended towards any who were involved or experienced the events mentioned or will be mentioned in the story. The use of historical settings and figures are for humor purposes only.**

**All dates are given using the Gregorian calendar system.**

**Historical note: The Great Fire of Moscow of 1812 occurred during Napoleon's Invasion of Russia. Over the next three days more fires would break out and destroy an estimated three-quarters of the city. While possible reasons for later fires range from French carelessness to Russian sabotage, the cause of the original fires has never "officially" been determined.**


	3. Remember the Sane

**Remember the Sane**

"Ow!" Remy painfully banged his knee as the Acolytes landed in a pile, having finally figured out how to activate the machine. "Did it work? Are we back?"

"I do not know. It is still dark," Piotr said standing up. "Though it is a lot warmer out."

"And there're all these big metal pipe things coming up from the floor," Pyro rapped his knuckles on one. "Are we in a factory or something?"

"No, we're on a ship," Sabertooth growled sniffing the air.

"A ship?" Mastermind blinked looking around. The Acolytes were nestled between two towering ship stacks. Three smaller ventilation funnels rose around them.

"Yeah, a ship," Remy gazed out across the water. "Looks like it's anchored just off the coast. Wait, this isn't the Titanic is it?"

"No, it's not," Sabertooth grunted.

"How do you know?" Pyro asked.

"'Cause the Titanic wasn't armed with guns," Sabertooth pointed at a heavy armored turret.

"Oh, right," Pyro peeked under a nearby lifeboat and noticed the large naval cannons. "Well, that's a relief."

"Yeah. We're probably on a battleship in the middle of a war zone," Mastermind grumbled. "That's a **lot** safer!"

"Where does the machine say we are?" Remy asked Piotr.

"I do not know," Piotr looked down at the chest-mounted screen. "It is showing lines of numbers and symbols again."

"Great. Just great," Mastermind groaned holding his head. "Lost in time and with a broken time machine."

"It's not broken," Pyro corrected. "We just can't set where we travel too."

"Oh, that makes me feel so much better," Mastermind moaned.

"Maybe we are back," Remy suggested gazing at the night sky. "Maybe we're just in the wrong place at the right time."

"You mean we've ended up somewhere else, but returned to the same time as when we left," Mastermind blinked. "That's not a bad idea."

"Let's hope that's what happened," Sabertooth grunted. "I'd rather hitchhike around the world than leave my fate in the hands of that stupid machine again."

"I am afraid you will be disappointed," Piotr spoke up. "The numbers and symbols have gone away. The machine seems to need a few moments before displaying the time and location." He took off the machine and positioned a screen towards them. It read:

**February 15, 1898 A.D.  
Havana Harbor, Cuba**

"1898?" Mastermind blinked. "Great. We're still over a hundred years in the past!"

"That kills the 'wrong place, right time' theory," Pyro shrugged.

"At least we are a lot closer to our own time than we used to be," Piotr tried to be optimistic.

"Yeah, at this rate we oughta make it back in another hundred years," Sabertooth growled. "A hundred years **our** time!"

"What do you mean our time?" Piotr asked. "You mean travel time?"

"No, he means time traveler time," Pyro said. "The time we spend traveling instead of the time over which we travel."

"Aren't they the same thing?" Piotr frowned in confusion.

"No. One's our time and one's travel time," Pyro tried to explain. "We travel through time while spending time in our time. So at no time is our time travel time and travel time is our time every time. Get it?"

"Uh," Piotr looked completely lost.

"At least I think that's how it works," Pyro thought for a moment. "As long as we don't lose time at any point in time. Unless we go into overtime. Hmmm, maybe it's one those weird science phenomenons. Does anybody know anything about time dilation and temporal mechanics?"

"Knock it off Firebug!" Sabertooth snapped. "Stop wasting our time by babbling on about time!"

"Yeah, we don't have the time!" Mastermind added. "Oh great. Now you've got **me** doing it!"

"Everybody settle down!" Remy motioned to get their attention. "Look, we can't seem to get anything but a random destination. No problem. We just keep constantly using the machine until we get lucky and end up back in our own time."

"So we activate the machine the moment we arrive somewhere until we get back," Mastermind nodded. "We can do that."

"No we can not," Piotr told him. "The machine says it needs to cool down for a while before we can use it again." He showed them a screen that said: COOL DOWN IN PROGRESS.

"Oh course," Sabertooth groaned. "I knew it wouldn't be that easy!"

"How long does the cool down period take?" Remy asked.

"It does not say," Piotr studied the machine. "I did not notice a cool down time before."

"Probably because we were too busy preventing Pyro from burning everything to ashes," Mastermind grumbled.

"Which he better not try doing to the ship," Sabertooth glared at Pyro warningly. "Or else...hey, what are you doing?"

"Come on, mate. You can't have all the fun," Pyro said as he tried to take the machine from Piotr. "I wanna use it next!"

"Oh no you don't!" Remy reached in and held the machine away from Pyro. "There's no way we're gonna leave **you** in charge of this!"

"Yeah," Sabertooth jeered. "You're the one who got us stuck in this bloody mess in the first place!"

"I am not!" Pyro protested. "You all had your hands on the machine when it went off the first time!"

"I didn't," Mastermind said somewhat smugly.

"Shut up!" Pyro and Sabertooth yelled at him.

"What's going on here?" A sailor appeared around one the ship stacks and spotted the hidden Acolytes. "Ahhh! Who are all of you?"

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped.

"Run!" Remy quickly managed to lightly charge a card and tossed it.

"Aggghhh!" The sailor yelped as the exploding card blinded him.

"Time to go!" Pyro quipped as the Acolytes scrambled down from their hiding place.

"Help! Stowaways!" The sailor was heard shouting.

"Well at least the locals speak English this time," Sabertooth noted.

"Come on! This way!" Remy strapped the machine on over his trench coat. The Acolytes headed for the ship's bow while running along the port deck.

"Who's yelling? What's going on?" A hatch on the forecastle opened and a few sailors popped out to investigate the disturbance.

"Oh dear," Piotr gulped as the Acolytes came to a halt beneath the conning tower. More shouts came from above them.

"Look out!" Mastermind pointed as sailors began moving toward the light deck guns.

"I got 'em!" Remy slipped three cards into his hand and charged them. He aimed for the guns. "Ha...ahhh!" Remy tripped on a cleat just as he let loose his cards. The cards went sailing through the air before disappearing down a nearby ventilation funnel.

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped. "That is not good."

"Abandon ship!" Sabertooth shouted grabbing hold of Mastermind.

"Hey what are you...AAAHHHHHH!" Mastermind yelped as Sabertooth ran past the fore turret and dove over the starboard railing.

"Hold on!" Piotr followed right behind carrying Remy and Pyro and shielding them with his body.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOM!

The forward third of the ship exploded, vaporizing parts of the deck and sending metal debris flying in all directions.

PA-LOOOOSH!

"Gahhh!" Mastermind gasped as he desperately flailed about in the water. "Help! Help! I can't swim!"

"Get off me!" Sabertooth roared as he tried to prevent Mastermind from clawing at his head. "Stop hitting me in the face!" He managed to pry Mastermind off and keep him at arms length. "Just hold on to my arm and lean back! Calm down!"

"Ahhh!" Mastermind whimpered as he struggled to stay afloat. He held Sabertooth's arm in a death grip. "Please! Don't let me drown!"

"Don't tempt me," Sabertooth hissed. "Where did the rest of those fools go?"

"Pwaaa!" Remy breached the surface like a whale and spat out a mouthful of water. Piotr and Pyro bobbed up a second later. "Aggghhh! I got salt water up my nose!"

"Sorry," Piotr apologized having reverted back to his non-armored form. "I should have let go sooner."

"No worries, mate," Pyro coughed while struggling to remain buoyant with his pack. "Without you protecting us we would've be torn to shreds."

"Okay," Piotr gulped while staring at the remains of the rapidly sinking ship.

"Hey, a lifebuoy!" Pyro swam over to a ring-shaped ship's life preserver. He read the lettering on it. "U.S.S. Maine. Huh, that's strange. I thought the machine said we were in Cuba."

"The machine!" Mastermind yelped. "Where's the machine?! Where is it?!"

"Don't worry, I got it," Remy studied the machine as he managed to tread water. "Looks like it's still all in one piece. That mutant inventor must have made it shockproof."

"And waterproof," Piotr noted bobbing next to him. "Thank goodness!"

"I could go for something made one hundred twenty **proof** right about now," Sabertooth spat while staying afloat. "Which I plan to do the minute we finally manage to get out of this place!"

* * *

**Historical Note: The U.S.S. Maine was a second-class battleship that was sunk by an explosion while at anchor in Havana Harbor. The event acted as a catalyst, accelerating elements which eventually led to the Spanish-American War. While theories for the sinking range from hitting a naval mine to a spontaneous internal coal bunker fire, an exact cause for the explosion has never "officially" been determined.**


	4. Acolyte-OK

**Acolyte-OK**

"Ooof!" Mastermind yelped as he landed on his back with a thud. He moaned and slowly managed to sit up. "Great, **now** where are we?"

"Someplace dry. That's good enough for me," Sabertooth growled before shaking himself of salt water.

"Hey, watch it Furball!" Remy snapped throwing up his hands. He glared at Sabertooth and began wringing out his hair. "What are you trying to do, imitate a lawn sprinkler?"

"Shut up, Cajun!" Sabertooth hissed at him. "I'm not the only one who got wet!"

"We're **all** wet," Pyro whined while testing his soaked pack. "I can't work up a spark at all!"

"Thank goodness for small favors," Mastermind muttered.

"We seem to be in a bedroom," Piotr noted the small, sparsely furnished room they were in. He moved to a window and gazed out. "And it looks like we are on the second floor."

"In the middle of a town," Remy added joining him at the window. "With dirt streets, carriages, and wooden and stone buildings."

"Stop playing tour guide already," Sabertooth snapped at them. "Where does the machine say we are?"

"Just a second," Remy glanced down at a screen just as the last of the numbers disappeared. It read:

**October 26, 1881 A.D.  
****Tombstone****, ****Arizona**** Territory**

"Tombstone?" Mastermind repeated. "That's a **real** reassuring name."

"Bet Halloween is popular around here," Sabertooth quipped.

"I think I've heard of this place before," Remy took off the machine and set it on the room's bed so he could remove and wring out his trench coat. "By the looks of things we've ended up in part of the Old West."

"The what?" Piotr frowned in confusion.

"You know, the Wild West. The American West," Remy explained looking out. "Though this place isn't all dull and dreary like you see in the movies. Everything here is bright and colorful."

"Oh, you mean like cowboys and Indians?" Piotr asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Remy finished wringing out his coat. He reached for the machine. "Though there's something else about Tombstone I can't quite remember...uh oh."

"Uh oh?" Mastermind blinked getting to his feet. "What do you mean 'uh oh'?"

"Look," Remy turned the machine towards the Acolytes. One of screens showed 'COOL DOWN IN PROGRESS' while another one displayed 'FUEL EMPTY'."

"Empty?" Sabertooth's eye twitched dangerously. "You mean we're **stuck** here?"

"No we are not," Piotr corrected. "Remember what the inventor said? He designed the time machine to run on soap."

"And you **believed** him?" Sabertooth snapped. "Come on! What kind of crazy, out-of-his-mind wacko comes up with a time machine powered by **soap**?"

"Probably a lunatic with no talent and a twisted sense of humor," Mastermind grumbled.

"Well you better hope this thing's powered by soap," Remy said strapping on the machine before putting on his trench coat. "Otherwise we're gonna spend a long time in an era with lice-infested bed sheets and no toilet paper."

"Good point," Mastermind sighed.

"It should not be that hard to do," Piotr said. "There must be some place here that sells soap. We just need to find it."

"Not me," Sabertooth growled. "I'm gonna hit the bar!"

"What bar?" Piotr asked.

"The bar in the saloon right below us," Sabertooth indicated his ear. "I can hear the bartender pouring shots right now."

"Count me in," Mastermind declared. "After almost drowning and being blown up I deserve a drink!"

"Fine, we'll all hit the saloon," Remy rolled his eyes. "Then we'll set out and try to find some soap."

"Oh no you don't," Sabertooth warned. "You're not coming with us down there!"

"What? Why not?" Remy asked.

"Because you'll probably get into a poker game with the locals and have half the town gunning for us after you cheat them out of their shirts!" Mastermind snapped.

"I would not!" Remy protested, highly offended. "I don't cheat!"

"Sure you don't," Sabertooth drawled. "And I'm King of Romania."

"Fine," Remy decided the issue wasn't worth arguing about. "You two booze brains go sample the local rotgut. I'll be the **intelligent** one and get us some soap."

"And take Pyro with you," Sabertooth added. "There's no way that nut should spend any time inside a saloon."

"Awww, why not?" Pyro pouted having finally stopped fiddling with his pack. "I'm hungry and I wanna get some snacks!"

"We'll grab a rack of beef jerky or something while we're out," Remy grabbed him and opened the room's door. "Piotr, stick with these two. After we get the soap we'll met you all in the saloon."

"Me?" Piotr blinked. "But I thought I was going with you."

"Na, I'd rather you stay here and keep an eye on them," Remy jerked a thumb at Sabertooth and Mastermind. "In case **they** get into a poker game with the locals and have half the town gunning after us!"

"Stupid Cajun!" Sabertooth growled as Remy and Pyro left. "Come on, let's hit the bar already." The rest of the Acolytes headed out down the hall. "Are you gonna drink with us, Russian?"

"Actually, I want to find a towel and try to dry off more first," Piotr indicated his dripping form. "I will join you both downstairs in a minute."

"Whatever," Sabertooth grunted as he and Mastermind left.

"Now where is the bathroom? If they have bathrooms here," Piotr looked around the vacant hallway. He went to the first room near the staircase and opened it.

BAM!

THUD!

"Oops," Piotr felt the door slam into something. He peeked into the room and saw a tall, well-dressed man with dark blonde hair and a thick handlebar mustache sprawled out on the floor. The man had obviously been hit by the moving door, fallen backward into the wall and knocked out.

"Oh dear," Piotr bent down and picked the man up. He moved to set him down on the room's bed. "I'm very sorry...ahhh!" Piotr slipped on a used chamber pot and slammed into a wardrobe. The man fell behind the far side of the room's bed as the wardrobe burst open and covered a fallen Piotr in a large pile of wigs and costumes.

"Hey, what's going on here?" A man with blue eyes, light blonde hair and a slightly droopy mustache appeared in the doorway. He wore a neat suit, dark sack coat and a light, wide brimmed hat.

"Uh," Piotr gulped and nervously poked his head out from beneath the pile of costumes. He somehow ended up wearing a dark blonde wig and fake mustache which just happened to make him resemble the man he had knocked out.

"What are you doing down there Wyatt?" The standing man laughed at him. "Run into trouble after using the thunder pot?"

"Huh?" Piotr blinked in confusion.

"Well come on," The man grew serious. "We gotta take care of some real trouble."

"Wait. I am not..." Piotr began to correct him.

"There's no time Wyatt," The man quickly cut him off. "Nobody is gonna care how you're dressed. Grab your hat and let's go!"

"Uh, okay," Piotr got up and grabbed a very large, long frock coat. He managed to put it on along with a wide brimmed hat before being led out of the room.

"You still heeled?" The man asked while leading him down the stairs.

"Um, if you say so," Piotr mumbled as they entered the saloon. There were several occupied card tables and a large bar running the entire length of the room.

"Knock it off with the jokes Wyatt. This is serious." The man led him toward the door. Piotr spotted Sabertooth and Mastermind at the bar and tried to get their attention, but the man led him out of the saloon before they noticed him.

"Morgan, where the devil have you been?" A tall, steely eyed man with a sandy mustache and hawk nose growled at them. He wore a dark hat, suit, sack coat and a shiny badge saying 'U.S. Marshal'.

"Sorry Virgil. Wyatt had a sudden urge to crack the thunder," Morgan smiled slightly. "Took out an entire wardrobe doing so."

"Superb," A wheeze-like cough came from a pale, skinny man standing to the side. He wore a long frock coat, black fedora and had a neat, natural mustache. He also carried a sawed-off shotgun. "Now let's be off to unleash a real round of thunder."

"We'll see," Virgil checked his revolver before holstering it and picked up a walking stick. "Mayor Clum says the Cowboys have moved out of the O.K. Corral. They're now in an alley next to Fly's."

"Then what are we waiting for?" The skinny man grinned as his eyes glimmered maniacally. "Let's go get 'em!"

"Well said Doc," Morgan smiled patting his own revolver. "Let's do it! Right Wyatt?"

"Wait! You have made a mistake," Piotr began to protest.

"Mistake?" The three armed men turned and stared at Piotr.

"Uh," Piotr was very intimidated by their stares and meekly decided to play along. "I mean, **they** have made a mistake. And...um...now they will regret it."

"That's more like it Wyatt," Doc gave Piotr a grin that was plain downright scary. "Shall we?"

"Okay," Piotr gulped as he and the men left the saloon and resolutely started down the street.

Meanwhile, Remy had dragged Pyro into a small general store which surprisingly carried a wide variety of fancy, French-perfumed soaps. It also had several young and well-dressed female shoppers whom Remy wasted no time siding up to and getting friendly with.

"Ah, New Orleans. The Paris of the South," Remy charmed a trio of admirers despite his still damp appearance. "City of festivals, romance and the finest collection of cuisine anywhere!"

"Oooh," One petite lady practically swooned while the other two giggled and fanned themselves.

"_Oui_, there's no greater cosmopolitan center in the country," Remy smirked while surreptitiously slipping packages of soap into his trench coat. "It's even better than San Francisco."

"Mmm, this is good!" Pyro perched behind the candy counter while sampling every sugar-loaded sweet in sight. "I'll take some of this and this and all of this...yuck! That's no good! Let's just throw these out!"

"HELP ME!" The poor store owner lay in a corner tied up with licorice. "SOMEBODY STOP THAT NUT!"

"Nuts! Good idea!" Pyro crammed a handful of chocolate-covered almonds into his mouth. "Mmm! Yummy! Wanna try some of these Colossus? Colossus?!"

Pyro nearly choked as he recognized Piotr walking down the far side of the street with three, dangerous-looking men. He dashed over to Remy and began tugging on his coat. "Hey Gambit!"

"Not now," Remy hissed and tried to casually swat Pyro aside. "Can't you see I'm busy?"

"But Colossus is wearing some kind of blonde, mustachioed disguise surrounded by some other mustachioed guys who are carrying shotguns!" Pyro whined.

"That's nice...wait, what?" Remy did a double-take and quickly ran to the window. He watched Piotr and company turn into an alley to face a small group of rough, weather-beaten men dressed as rustlers. "What the heck is he doing?"

"He ain't watching over Masty and Sabes, that's for sure," Pyro popped a few gumdrops into his mouth.

"Throw up your hands! We're here to disarm you!" One of men next to Piotr was heard shouting.

Two of the rustlers immediately went for their pistols. "Hold! I don't want that!" The first man raised a walking stick.

"A stick?" Remy stared at the scene. "I thought you said they were carrying shotguns."

"Well it looked like a shotgun," Pyro nibbled on a piece of honey crisp. "Wait, see? That bloke's got one."

BAM! BAM!

KA-BOOM!

"Yikes!" Pyro ducked behind the counter.

"Ahhhhhh!" The ladies in the store screamed and fainted.

"Hang on _femmes_!" Remy kicked the door closed and moved to check the ladies for injuries. Finding none he quickly dragged them behind a large flour barrel. "What are you waiting for? Get out there and back up Piotr!"

"I can't. Me pack's still wet!" Pyro carefully peeked out a window. "Colossus is still out there standing in the middle of it all. And I think he's shooting back!"

"WHAT?!" Remy dropped the lady he was holding and scampered next to him.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

One of the rustlers screamed and stumbled up to Piotr. Piotr shoved him aside and faced the others while the rustler ran for his life.

KA-BOOM!

BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!

More gunfire rocked the street. Remy crouched down next to Pyro. "We gotta help Piotr." He held up a fistful of damp cards. "I'll provide cover while you grab him and get him out of there."

"Okay," Pyro nodded reaching for the door.

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Ready? One...two..." The sounds of gunshots suddenly ceased. Remy frowned at the abrupt silence. "What the?"

"Uh oh," Pyro blinked as they cautiously opened the door. Two of the men who had accompanied Piotr were down. The bodies of three rustlers lay sprawled out in the street. "Hooley dooley!"

"There's Piotr. Looks like he's okay," Remy indicated Piotr's tall form. He and a skinny man were the only one's still standing, though the skinny man had a noticeable limp.

"Alright! That's enough!" A nattily-dressed man wearing a bowler hat and sheriff's badge appeared as a crowd of bystanders began gathering. He walked up to Piotr and addressed him. Piotr briefly spoke with the sheriff before turning to help one of the wounded men.

"Hey Colossus!" Remy and Pyro quickly walked into the street and sided up next to Piotr.

"Oh," Piotr noticed and followed them as they hurriedly led him back to the store.

"Wyatt! Where're you going?" One of the wounded men shouted at him.

"Uh, I am going to the...uh, store to get some...ah, bandages," Piotr called back.

"Good idea. We need 'em," The man grimaced as a woman bent down and embraced him.

The three Acolytes entered the store where the ladies still lay unconscious. The owner had passed out earlier as well. Remy quickly slammed the door and faced Piotr. "What the heck is going on? What were you doing out there? Are you hurt? Why are you dressed like that?"

"I am sorry," Piotr said somewhat sheepishly. He removed the hat, wig and fake mustache. "I accidentally knocked out a man while looking for a towel and this other man thought I was him, and then he led me to these other men and it all happened so fast..."

"Alright, alright," Remy sighed and held up a hand. "Sounds you got carried away pretty well. It's because you're too easily persuaded and accepting. You really need to learn when to say no, ya know."

"I know," Piotr shifted uncomfortably.

"Wow Colossus. You look bloody well dinged up," Pyro poked at the many holes that had been made in Piotr's frock coat. "Are you OK?"

"Oh yes. I armored up when it looked like there would be shooting," Piotr said. "I just pointed at the other men when their bullets bounced off me."

"Ah, that explains why it looked like you were shooting at them yourself," Remy realized. "Pyro mistook your armored hand for a gun."

"What did ya say to that one bloke who ran up to you during the fight?" Pyro asked.

"Oh, he was very scared and said he was unarmed," Piotr said. "I told him to stop fighting and get away."

"Bet he didn't argue with that," Remy quipped. "What about the guy after the fight?"

"He said I was under arrest," Piotr explained. "I said that I would not be arrested today for I am not really here and am going away."

"Oh boy," Remy groaned. "We really need to work on your improv skills."

"Here they are," Sabertooth stomped into the store with Mastermind trailing behind him. "What have you lunatics done **this** time?"

"Oh sure, **now** you two show up," Remy glared at them.

"Where have you blokes been?" Pyro asked. "How'd you find us?"

"We left the saloon after I heard the crack of gunshots," Sabertooth growled at them. "Surprise, surprise, we figured they had something to do with you idiots!"

"They did not!" Pyro protested. "Colossus was the only one who ended up being shot at. It was a case of mistaken identity!"

"Good thing too," Remy added. "Otherwise the guy he replaced would be out lying in the street all shot full of lead."

"Whatever," Sabertooth snorted in contempt. "Did you fools even manage to find soap?"

"Settle down, Furball. I got some right here," Remy snapped holding up a package of soap . "I stocked up on it too. Just in case."

"Then what are you waiting for? Load up the machine and start it," Sabertooth growled.

"Figured you two would be loaded enough already," Remy mocked as he handed the soap to Piotr. He removed his trench coat so Piotr could access the machine. "How many drinks did you two down at the saloon?"

"Not nearly enough," Sabertooth spat.

"Speak for yourself," Mastermind winced holding his stomach. "I barely managed to make it through one. Talk about a kick!"

"I'll kick you if you don't quit whining," Sabertooth muttered threateningly. "Hurry up and get us outta here,"

"In a minute. I still need to figure out how to put in the soap," Piotr said studying the machine.

"I need to grab a few more sweets," Pyro chirped moving toward the candy counter.

"And I need to figure out how I became the most **responsible** one around here," Remy sighed.

* * *

**Historical Note: Wyatt Earp "miraculously" emerged from the Gunfight at the O.K. Corral completely unhurt. His brothers Virgil and Morgan were wounded along with John "Doc" Holliday. The brothers Tom and Frank McLaury were killed as well as Billy Clanton. Billy's brother Ike Clanton ran from the fight. Later rumors accuse Wyatt of wearing a steel, bullet-proof vest, although such claims are considered to be "highly implausible" and have never "officially" been confirmed.**


	5. It's Tough to Be a God

**It's Tough to Be a God**

"Oooh," Piotr felt slightly disorientated as the Acolytes arrived in the next time period. "I will never get used to using that machine."

"Hey, it worked," Remy pointed out. "Which means you must have found the right way to load in the soap."

"Too bad it took three tries to do it," Mastermind spat and tried to clear his mouth. "And that the machine kept ejecting the soap when it wasn't loaded correctly."

"Well, you deserved to have your mouth washed out after the way you kept cursing at it," Pyro shrugged. "The machine's a highly complicated piece of equipment that needs lots of love and attention."

"Shame the same can't be said about **you**," Mastermind snapped and straightened his coat. "Anybody recognize where we ended up **this** time?"

"No," Sabertooth growled glaring around at the nearby collection of brick and stone huts. The Acolytes had appeared underneath the scaffolding of a large building. "But it sure is hot!"

"And dry," Pyro chirped spreading his arms wide. "The sun will finish drying out our clothes in no time!"

"Yes," Piotr gasped and wiped at his brow. He still wore the large, long frock coat. "But it is very uncomfortable. Is there any place we can go to cool down?"

"Afraid shade is the only thing available at the moment," Remy indicated the scaffolding above them. "Speaking of which, anybody notice how long the machine took to cool down last time?"

"I think it was around twenty minutes or so," Mastermind thought for a moment. "The time before that was about an hour."

"No, it only **felt** like an hour," Sabertooth sneered at him. "Because you kept crying about drowning and being eaten alive by sharks."

"We were in Cuba! Sharks are very active there!" Mastermind protested. "And I can't swim."

"Well you shouldn't have to worry about that here," Sabertooth snorted. "I don't smell any salt water around for miles."

"What does the machine say?" Piotr asked.

"Just a second...ah," Remy nodded as a screen finally cleared up. It read:

**March 18, 1472 B.C.  
****Taremu****, ****Egypt**

"1472 **B.C.**?!" Mastermind yelped. "We're over three thousand years in the past!"

"Huh, that's different," Pyro blinked. "Maybe the machine doesn't like perfume-scented soaps."

"Maybe the stupid machine **hates** us!" Sabertooth roared. "Arrgggh! I don't believe this!" He howled and swiped at a nearby support.

CRACK!

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped as the wooden scaffolding buckled and began to give way.

"Look out!" Remy yelled as the Acolytes quickly ran a short distance away. The large scaffolding collapsed along with a good portion of the building.

"Way to go Sabes," Pyro gazed at the ruined building. "That's one way to make a sky light."

"Uh, maybe we should move away from here," Piotr suggested as a large crowd began to appear. They wore a varied collection of skirts and dresses.

"No way! I'm sick of running from the locals all the time!" Sabertooth shouted and scaled the pile of rubble from the building. "If these losers want a fight, I'll give 'em one!"

A company of soldiers broke through the crowd. They were armed with an array of spears, daggers, shields and sickle-swords. They stared up at Sabertooth. "Come on punks!" Sabertooth roared and readied his claws in anticipation. "You really think you can take **me**?"

The soldiers suddenly dropped their weapons and fell to their knees along with everyone else in the crowd. "I'll take that as a 'no'," Remy quipped.

"What are they doing?" Pyro blinked at the unexpected behavior.

"_Maahes! Maahes! Maahes!_" The crowd began to chant.

"Uh, what is a mihos?" Piotr frowned in confusion.

"How should I know? Do I look like I speak ancient Egyptian?" Mastermind snapped.

"What, can't you just read their minds and figure out what they're saying?" Remy asked.

"Not if I don't understand the language they're thinking in," Mastermind explained.

A bald man with no eyebrows and wearing a white robe slowly approached Sabertooth. He bowed low, held out his hands and began speaking to him.

"I don't understand a word you're mumbling about," Sabertooth growled dangerously. "Do you want to fight or what?"

The bald man bowed lower before repeating himself. "Stop with the mumbo-jumbo," Sabertooth grunted. "Either put up or shut up!"

The man gulped and nervously looked up at him. He mimed several eating motions and then indicated Sabertooth.

"Oh, food," Sabertooth grunted and reluctantly stood down. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Great. I could go for something really filling right about now," Remy nodded.

Sabertooth strode down off the pile of rubble as the bald man bowed and reverently led him away. The crowd chanted and followed them leaving the rest of the Acolytes behind. "Or not," Remy blinked at their departure.

"I guess we are not invited," Piotr commented.

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that!" Pyro shouted and chased after the Egyptians. "Hey, come back here! We wanna hang out with you funny blokes too!"

"On the other hand," Piotr sighed as the remaining Acolytes ran after him.

* * *

One hour later...

"Ahhh, now this is more like it," Remy smiled as he lay back on a long pillow-like mat. The Acolytes had been led into a large, cool stone building before being fed and cared to. "I could get used to this."

"I agree," Piotr nodded nibbling on some dates. A wide mat covered with bowls of food lay before him. "This part of Egypt is quite nice."

"Hey, look at me!" Pyro appeared wearing a native robe over his pack and uniform. He also wore an elaborate, decorated headpiece. "I'm Pharaoh Pyro!"

"Wow, where did you get that?" Piotr asked.

"Oh, I found it lying around on some old stony statue," Pyro waved. "Nobody'll notice it missing."

Several screams were heard in the distance. "I would not count on it," Piotr groaned.

"Now this is what I'm talking about," Sabertooth declared while seated in an ornate, throne-like chair. "The best, oldest elements of mankind assembled right here and in virtually endless quantities."

"You mean kindness, hospitality, acceptance and openness?" Piotr suggested.

"Nope," Sabertooth grinned hoisting up a large clay jug. "I mean beer!" He threw back his head and began chugging it.

"Of course," Piotr moaned.

"Thirteen different kinds of beer! And those are just the ones they keep in storage," Sabertooth laughed and tossed the empty jug aside. "I love this place!"

"Well, I've finished studying most of the building's hieroglyphs," Mastermind entered the room looking pleased with himself. "And I've figured out why the locals are fawning so much over Sabertooth."

"Hey, wait a minnie," Pyro stopped skipping around and pointed at him. "I thought you said you couldn't understand ancient Egyptian."

"I said I couldn't **speak** ancient Egyptian," Mastermind corrected. "I can read ancient Egyptian just fine. Well, mostly fine. I might be a little rusty."

"Really?" Piotr said. "I did not know you could do that."

"I read and speak many languages," Mastermind told them. "I know English, French, Italian, Spanish, Latin, Greek and Arabic. Plus a few others enough to manage and get by in most cases."

"Wow," Piotr blinked. "That is very impressive."

"There's a reason I'm called **Mastermind** you know," Mastermind gave him a look.

"Really? Could've fooled me," Remy quipped.

"Anyway," Mastermind shot Remy a dirty look before getting back on topic. "The hieroglyphs say this is the temple of the Egyptian god Maahes. He is depicted as a lion-headed god whom Sabertooth bears a somewhat passing resemblance to."

"So the locals think I'm a god? Sweet!" Sabertooth grinned. "What kind of god is this Maahes guy? The god of beer?"

"Fortunately no," Mastermind rolled his eyes. "Though I did spy several cartloads of beer being gathered outside. Looks like the whole town is throwing a feast in your honor."

"Really? This I gotta see," Sabertooth got up and made his way out of the temple. Preparations for a grand festival were just being completed. "No way!"

The Egyptians noticed Sabertooth and immediately fell to their knees. They began chanting and shouting the name Maahes.

"These people sure work fast," Remy noted as the Acolytes stood just outside the temple doorway. "Mags would love to see the sight of this."

"Humans worshipping a mutant," Piotr mused. "It does seem his style."

Sabertooth held up his hands and motioned the crowd for silence. "My people," He snatched a nearby beer jug and raised it. "LET'S PARTY!"

"Hahhhhhh!" The crowd roared back having understood the content. They went for the beer supplies and began downing them. "_Maahes! Maahes!_"

"Oh yeah!" Sabertooth finished his beer and hurled the empty jug to the ground, shattering it. "Anybody who offers beer to a god is good with me!"

"Well this is interesting," Remy said as the Egyptians began to feast and have a good time. "Bet nothing like this has ever happened around here before."

"Yeah. What are the odds that a time traveler from the future would try and take over ancient Egypt?" Mastermind drawled.

"Sabertooth is not trying to take over ancient Egypt," Piotr corrected. "Upsetting maybe, but not taking over."

"Wheeeeee!" Pyro giggled as he skipped among the celebrating Egyptians. A scandalized priest came and took away his headpiece, but he ignored it. "Party! Wo-hooo!"

"Oh dear," Piotr groaned as Pyro and Sabertooth continued to work the crowd into a frenzy. "Maybe we should consider leaving soon. Is the machine ready yet?"

"Nope, it's still in cool down mode," Remy glanced down at a screen. He still wore the machine underneath his trench coat. "Besides, I don't think Sabes is ready to leave anytime soon."

"This is the best time I've had in months!" Sabertooth smiled. He motioned to the crowd who cheered and roared back. "Things could not get any better!"

Just then a bald priest walked up to him leading half a dozen tall and attractive priestesses. The priest indicated the priestesses who opened their arms and gestured Sabertooth to follow them.

"I was wrong," Sabertooth grinned and followed the procession of priestesses into the temple. "Being a god rocks!"

"Oh my," Piotr blushed.

"That lucky..." Remy was stunned at the sight. "Okay, that's it. Where's the temple for the staff-wielding god who blows stuff up?"

"I don't think there is such a god," Mastermind commented.

"Then I'll **make** one!" Remy declared.

"Um, maybe you should not...ahhh!" Piotr yelped as a pride of lions stalked out the temple. "Look out!"

"It's okay!" Mastermind moved back as some priests began to throw meat to the lions. "I saw them before. The Egyptians keep lions in the temple in order to please the gods. The hieroglyphs say they are tame. I think."

"You **think**?!" Piotr gasped.

"Yay!" Pyro continued to dance among the Egyptians. "This is great! How about we turn up the heat...ow!" Pyro yelped as a passerby clipped him on the head. "Hey, watch it!"

A pair of Egyptians bumped into each other overturning several bowls of food. They immediately began to argue.

"Uh oh," Piotr gulped as more fights began to spread. Soon several full-fledged brawls had broken out. "This is not good."

"Well what did you expect once they all got loaded up on beer?" Remy quipped as the once orderly festival turned into a riot. "Have a dancing contest?"

"Should have realized **some **things remain constant over the millennia," Mastermind groaned as the lions started tangling with the crowd. "Maybe we should have Sabertooth come back and try to cow them into submission."

"Yeah right," Remy snorted. "Nothing is gonna get Sabes out here in a hurry."

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sabertooth shrieked bolting from the temple. His entourage of priestesses ran after him. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"On the other hand," Remy blinked.

"OUTTA MY WAY!" Sabertooth barreled through the crowd as the Acolytes quickly followed in his wake. The priestesses tried to follow, but became caught up in the riot.

"What the heck's going on?" Remy shouted as they made their way free of the chaos. "We thought you were off enjoying the company of those fine heavenly dreams."

"Unholy **nightmares** are more like it!" Sabertooth twitched indicating his disheveled state. "Those crazy chicks led me to a room and tried to douse me with perfume! They brushed oil on me! They put makeup on me! They tried to have me take a **bath**!"

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that," Mastermind nodded. "Ancient Egyptians were very into cleanliness."

"And makeovers by the look of it," Remy smirked at the streaks of black, green and purple eyeliner coating Sabertooth's face. "Guess they want their gods to look fabulous and smell pretty."

"Oooh," Pyro stumbled up to them having worked his way out the riot. His robe had been reduced to tatters. "These blokes sure know how to party. Are we gonna spend the night?"

"NO!" Sabertooth screamed. "I'm not staying in this crazy place another minute! Fire up the machine and get us out of here NOW!"

"As you wish, O godly one," Remy smirked and mockingly bowed at him. He prepared to activate the machine. "So shall it be written, so shall it be done."

"Well this has been a real productive experience," Mastermind sighed. "So far we've succeeded in setting fire to Moscow, blowing up the U.S.S. Maine, participating in a gunfight and being mistaken for a god while causing a beer riot. Yes, this trip is off to a roaring start."

"WHAT?!" The rest of the Acolytes yelped right before they were whisked away by the machine. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN **'START'?!**"

* * *

**Historical Note: Maahes was a lion-headed god of Ancient Egypt associated with knives, lotuses and devouring captives. Other titles included Wielder of the Knife, the God of War and the Lord of Slaughter.**


End file.
